The other day, I saw a mom doing something unusual: While walking along the street, she was marvelously spending time interacting with her child. The little infant was trying to manage pushing the stroller that he had previously been riding in. He was advancing bit-by-bit. And there was his mother attending to every step of success on the infant’s part. The child was surely the same age as the infant to the right pushing his stroller—about 3 years old, I would gather.
From a far, I watched them with great satisfaction and deep emotion as the mom walked up the street with the child pushing the stroller and with the mother being so wondrously engaged by each and every moment. For you see, what I had witnessed has in fact become rather rare, namely a parent actually spending time with their child as the parent walks along with either the child in toe or pushing the child in the stroller. Why? Because way too often nowadays the parent is on the cell phone blabbing away and in a very deep, deep and ever so profound sense the 3-year old child is simply not the primary object of the parent’s attention.
One does not have to be a genius to extrapolate as to how this talking-on-the-cell phone behavior on the parents who are walking with their 3-year old children will bear upon children. It will bear negatively upon their children in two quite obvious ways: (1) The child will feel much less loved. (2) The child’s command of the language will be considerably less rich.
In the not too distant past, a parent’s taking a 3-year old infant child out in a stroller or for a walk was none other an instance of special quality time between the parent and the child. Unless the child was sleeping, the parent was animated by nearly every gesture on the part of the child. The 3-year old child had the attention of her or his parents, whether it was car or a person or a pile of dirt to which the child pointed and said “Look!” Not anymore.
Nowadays, whether the 3-year old child actually has the attention of her or his parents would to be none other than a matter of accident. Indeed, even if the child is having a mild crisis, the parent might very well finish the conversation before turning to address the child’s concerns. In terms of feeling “the love”: Why, I feel more love talking and walking with my friends than many a 3-year old, nowadays, is apt to feel from her or his parents when the parent is carrying the child along.
Then there is the issue of the child acquiring a command of the language. When you think about, it is simply amazing just how competent children become in speaking simply by being spoken to by their parents and friends. The cumulative effect of all those simple conversations is utterly majestic: fluency in the language.
And it does not matter how complicated the language it. In French, the difference between saying (a) “I am going to sleep” and saying (b) “I am going to have sex” is distinguished simply by the reflexive “me”: (a*) “Je vais me coucher” and (b*) “Je vais coucher”. But ne’er a child raised in France gets that wrong. Or so it was in the past. I am willing to bet a lot of money that nowadays young French children do not have the clarity that they used to have regarding the difference between (a*) and (b*) precisely because in France, too, parents with their children are too busy talking on their cell phone.
During the most formative years of a child’s life, the cell phone is having a most deleterious impact upon parenting, as so many parents unthinkingly privilege talking on their cell phone over talking and interacting with their child. In the spirit of the saying, “One never gets a second chance to make a first impression”, it is also true that “One never gets a second chance to raise a child in the way that she or he should be raised.”
© 2012 Laurence Thomas




