Freedom is an absolutely wonderful thing. But freedom without responsibility is disastrous. And surely an important part of that responsibility lies in the use of commonsense. Anyone is free to pick up a hitchhiker. And doing so is easy enough, in that all one has to do is stop the car. Yet, everyone knows that this simple act can be one of the most ridiculously foolish things that a person can do.
We all know that rape is wrong. This, though, does not change the fact that a person did something absolutely foolish if he or she picked up the hitchhiker who committed the act of rape. For we all know that picking up hitchhikers is very, very, very dangerous. Suppose the hitchhiker had a sign that read “I was just robbed”. As it turns out, this was but a ploy to get some driver to stop. Needless to say, the hitchhiker cannot be sued for both misrepresentation and rape.
It is, to be sure, a truism that no one asks to be raped. Alas, this truth does not change reality that a person has acted foolishly in failing to take certain precautions. Commonsense requires that we not act foolishly. And there are very few excuses, if any, for not exercising basic commonsense. Everyone who drives knows that it is basic commonsense not to p[ck up hitcherhickers.
In a very real sense, MySpace.Com is rather like a highway with all sorts of people standing around looking for a ride. Some of these people are indeed innocent. Other, unfortunately, are exceedingly malicious. The problem, of course, is that distinguishing between the innocent and the malicious is next to impossible.
It is my view that the lawsuit against MySpace.Com has virtually no merit. It is common knowledge that misrepresentation is a rampant feature of the site. In fact, it is known that sexual predators of all sorts avail themselves of the site and misrepresent themselves. Thus, believing what someone on the site says about himself and than actually meeting the person is rather like believing the hitchhiker’s sign that reads “I was just robbed”, and stopping to give the person a ride.
Indeed, I understand that the defendant is already contemplating filing a counter-lawsuit on the grounds that plaintiff misrepresented herself on the site: He claims that she is younger than she claimed to be. If she did misrepresent her age, that can hardly come us a surprise. For expecting that someone is actually representing himself accurately on MySpace.Com is rather like going to a costume party and supposing that the various modes of attire represent the way in which the person wearing the attire actually carries herself or himself. Only a fool would do such a thing.
This is a commonsense moment. Laws can never ever protect us from the failure to exercise basic commonsense. Lest there be any misunderstanding, the young girl’s rape—if indeed that occurred—was inexcusable. But no less inexcusable was her agreeing to meet with the teenager in the first place. Her doing so does not excuse the immorality of his raping her. But the immorality of his raping her does not excuse her foolish irresponsibility.
It is well-known that MySpace.Com does not verify age. Indeed, it did not verify the plaintiff’s age. So I would be stunned if the courts held the site liable for the male’s representation of his age.
But the question that invariably arises is this: What explains such a manifest lack of commonsense on the part young people nowadays? I do not hold that all things can be explained by reference to the family, but much can. Having and exhibiting commonsense is very much a function of the kinds of parental expectations in place, as well as the kind of parental behavior that is modeled by the parents in front of their children.
Think of commonsense on the order of a language. As everyone knows, the more masterful a command of the spoken language that parents exhibit around the home, the greater the command of that language the children will come to have. No one learns a language by first being given the appropriate instruction: the rules of grammar, syntax, and so forth.
Much of commonsense behavior is exactly like that. It is not so much by instruction that occasion commonsense on the part of our children by way of instruction as it by way of example. And it is this simple truth that we are losing sight of with our increasingly busy lives. Just as 20 minutes of instruction per day would never in and of itself suffice to render a child a competent speaker of the language spoken at home, it also the case that 20 minutes of instruction per day will never in and of itself suffice to bring about on the part of the child what we refer to as commonsense. For in both cases, it is not the instruction but the exemplification that makes the biggest difference.
Like every decent person, I am pained by the rape. But there is the issue of preventing harms and wrongs to oneself by taking reasonable and basic precautions—by exhibiting rudimentary commonsense. And we cannot ignore the conspicuous absence of commonsense in the name of our favorite ideology. The truth that no man should ever commit a rape will never entail the negation of the truth that a woman has the responsibility of taking reasonable precautions.
I do not like being assaulted when walking down the street. And anyone who does wrongs me. But this truth does not absolve me of the responsibility of taking reasonable precautions.
So without having ever met the parents of the teenage girl, there is little doubt in my mind that they were irresponsible parents. For there is the poignant truth that a 14-year old was hanging out with a 19-year old. In teenage years, they are in different worlds. And parenting a teenage daughter is about driving this simple and basic point home. There is nothing that a 19-year old male wants with a 14-year old female other than sex. This is one of those bits of commonsense that are part and parcel of parenting. Every mother knows this; every father knows this. At least each mother and father should know this.
Do I believe in equal rights between women and men? More ardently than most would ever suppose. Yet, I do not think that women and men are the same. And good parenting reminds us of those difference and it reminds us of the importance of keeping those differences in mind.
If anyone ought to be sued, the parents ought to be sued for failing in their responsibility as parents.
What is happening in this case is something quite horrendous, namely that a wrong that a child has suffered is being used to mask the utter irresponsibility of the parents. And this is becoming one of the grave social patterns of the American culture.
As for the male, there is certainly no pity in my heart for him. If I had my way, he would be castrated (given that he actually raped the girl). But to live well in any society is to recognize that some people are to be avoided, which brings me back to the daughter.
Had her parents been giving her the attention that she deserved and had her parents been paying attention to her activities, it is most unlikely that the scenario with the teenage male would have ever gotten off the ground. For one thing, they would have known about her false profile on MySpace.Com. Then they would have been monitoring her on-line communication. Finally: they would have known where she was going and with whom she was spending time. That is what responsible parenting is about.
If I am right, then MySpace,Com is none other than the portal through which the manifest neglect of the girl’s parents became realized.
After all that has been said about MySpace.Com in recent years, it is simply not possible to be a decent parent and not closely monitor an account that one’s child has on the site—if, that is, one’s child is allowed to have an account there in the first place. That is the responsible thing to do in this world of ever increasing freedoms.
