nyone born and raised in Western Culture has head the expression “It is better to give than to receive”.  Attributed to Jesus by the Apostle Paul, as a quick Google search will reveal, I suspect that not a few people have thought the invocation of expression more than a little manipulative.  For one thing, it seems that the expression is invariably invoked by someone who is, dare I say it, asking for something rather than giving something.  I mean when was the last time any one of us was walking down the street only to have something really nice placed in our hands by someone and then have that someone explain her or his behavior by intoning that it is better to give than to receive?

Indeed, we live in a world in which people have become suspicious of nice behavior, readily imagining a wealth of unseemly ulterior motives.  Nowadays, this seems to apply to just about every walk of life, including the clergy. 

Still, the expression that it is better to give than to receive persists.  And that tells me that there is something to it, if only we could manage to figure it out.

Well, it is clear that it is absolutely wonderful to receive a nice gift from another.  What a lovely act of affirmation such a gift is.  Surely the saying that “It is better to give than to receive” cannot possibly mean that we are mistaken in being so moved by the gifts that we have received from another.  If it does mean that we are mistaken in being moved by the gifts that we have received, then I am afraid that this would mean that the expression itself is questionable not only as a source of inspiration, but as a psychological possibility.  Gratitude rather than indifference is most appropriate for the gifts that we received; and any view that comes even close to suggesting otherwise is itself unsatisfactory.

But surely no one who has ever uttered the saying “It is better to give than to receive” has meant to downplay the importance and propriety of gratitude. 

Imagine a life in which we only received gifts from others (freely and voluntarily, to be sure) and we never gave anything to anyone.  At first blush, this might seem like quite the life to have, especially if the gifts we are receiving are quite lovely.  Alas, there is the second part of the thought experiment, namely that we do not give anything to anyone. 

Significantly, not even God himself serves as an example of this thought experiment.  For God is never presented in the sacred texts as only demanding things from human beings.  He is also presented as doing things on behalf of humanity. 

A life in which we were only the beneficiary of gifts from others and never did anything for others would be one in which we never by our own moral agency performed an act of (non-obligatory) goodness on behalf of another. 

What is more, while I suppose that as wonderful as it is to receive gifts from others, there is something quite disconcerting about it turning out to being true that our life is such that we have not performed a single (non-obligatory) act of goodness on behalf of another.  Surely, this is a moral asymmetry with which no one would be happy.  Now why is that?

First of all, there is the poignant fact that a person who never did a non-obligatory act of goodness on behalf of another would have to be a quite selfish and callous individual.  It is the extremely rare individual who never in his life to perform an act of goodness for another. 

But the point of the expression “It is better to give than to receive” is not simply a comparative one (namely that one is a better person than the selfish bastards who never gives); rather, seems to be that there is something beneficial and significant that comes with our own giving that cannot be diminished by what others do.  That is, the expression has a non-comparative force to it. 

One of my favorite biblical passages is from the 1 Samuel 30:6, which reads as follows:

And [King] David was greatly distressed for the people spake of stoning him; because the soul of all the people was grieved . . . : but David encouraged himself.

Insofar as King David succeeded in encouraging himself, he learnt something about his own strength of character that he could not have learnt otherwise, namely that he could raise his own spirits.

When we give in the right way and in the right spirit, we learn something about our moral powers that we can not learn otherwise.  At their best, non-obligatory acts of giving constitute a way of transforming the life of another.  This is why gifts often a symbolic value that far transcends their actual worth.  Any pen or watch or prayer shawl or book can be purchased.  But not a single one of these items purchased will ever substitute for the watch or pen or prayer shawl or book that one received from another as a gift.

Giving represents the moral power to choose to participate in the goodness of another’s life by forge in that person a set of memories and sentiments that she or he will savor indefinitely.  In this respect, gift giving makes us more god-like than we might initially suppose.  Whatever animals can do in terms of giving gifts, it pales mightily in comparison to what human beings can do. 

Everything that we know about human beings tells us that exercising that power is one of the most gratifying experiences that a person has in life.  Or so it is if one’s is psychologically healthy. 

Hopefully, all of us can remember a moment when the marvelous delight that was displayed in a person’s eyes made our gesture of kindness seem so worthwhile.  That is the contentment that comes from the knowledge that one have participated in the goodness of another’s life.  While there are surely other forms of contentment, there is none that can replace this one.  Thus, a person who has never given (in the right way) to another cannot experience this form of contentment, whatever other pleasures she or he might have. 

Receiving a gift is surely wonderful.  A gift can be an expression of gratitude or goodwill or appreciation that leaves one at a loss for words.  And those who have received gifts are blessed to have friends and family who so treasure them.  But the greatest exercise of our moral powers comes not in receiving gifts but in giving them. 

And nothing affirms our moral excellence like the acts of moral excellence we perform on behalf of others; accordingly, giving is one of the fundamental conduits of self-knowledge that we have in life.  Therein lies, at least in part, the truth behind the expression that “It is better to give than to receive”.