few years ago, a graduate student brought his girlfriend to my large Ethics & Value Theory lecture.  They are now married, with three children.  But that is not particularly relevant to the point I wish to make.  The dating couple sat together on the front row, and the woman, thinking that her dress was a tad too short when seated on the front row, rather gracefully placed a scarf over her knees.  She probably did not need the scarf.  But the gesture commanded an awful lot of respect.  I know, I know: This is remarkably old fashion.  And harkens back to the days—surely many centuries ago—when it was said that “Decent women don’t do this or that”.   As I shall show, there is much more to this line of thought than is allowed.

Nowadays, of course, the idea that there are decent things that women don’t do is seen as an archaic and deeply sexist point of view.  Never mind that it was also held that there are things that decent men don’t do.  For we know that feminism is about women’s rights, period.  Commonsense and equality is pretty much irrelevant. 

Time was when decent men did not take advantage of decent women.  But it is interesting that the idea of a decent man is beginning to have more weight to it than the idea of a decent woman. 

If you don’t believe me consider the fact that all sorts of feminists have argued that it is a woman’s right to be able to go back to a man’s room in the middle of the night, sit on his bed, and so forth without having to worry about unwanted advances on his part.  Alas, it turns out that a decent man will not do anything untoward.  But feminism has taught us that it is inappropriate to say “Decent women don’t put themselves in that sort of situation”. 

To me that is rather like saying that it is one’s right to walk down a dark ally of a crime-ridden neighborhood.  And that, in turn, is rather like saying that it is one’s right to be fool.  The wrongdoing does not get excused in any of these cases.  Still, we have a wrongdoing that could have been avoided.

One of the profound ways in which I think that feminism has gone wrong is that, in the push for women’s rights, feminism has pretty much jettisoned the idea of a decent woman.  There are things that a decent person does not do even if it is fully within the individual’s rights to do them.  Moreover, because I do not think that women and men are exactly identical, I think that there are some modes of decent behavior that apply primarily to women and other modes of decent behavior that apply primarily to men. 

For instance, if a pregnant gets on the bus, I think that a decent man readily give his seat to the woman (provided that he is in good health and so on).  I hold that this is a way of honoring women for the very precious role that they play in humanity.  Women, too, can honor this role but not, I think, in the same way that men can.  Consider that there is often a bond between two pregnant women talking to one another that is rather unlike any other.  The role that women play in bringing life into the world is a reality to which theory must bow—not the other way around. 

Because there are simply way too many opportunities for miscommunication, good intentions notwithstanding, I embrace the so-called sexist view that a decent woman really ought not to be going back to a man’s room at night if she is not sure that she wants to have sex with him nor she should invite him to her room.  Likewise, I hold that no one ought to walk down an ally at night in a crime-ridden neighborhood. 

If there are considerations of decency that apply to men when a woman is sitting in his room at night on his bed, then presumably there are some such considerations that apply to women with respect to this context.  After all: equality is equality.  Or so I have been told. 

Now, let me acknowledge the asymmetry that feminism has fought against.  Essentially, feminism has radically dismantled the view that with regard to marriage virginity is sacred for women but not for men.  Let us allow the merit of the feminist claims here.  For, it is certainly true that effective birth control measures have made it possible for women to be less concerned about the consequences of pregnancy than in the past. 

Alas, from the truth that virginity is no more important for woman than it is for men what most certainly does not follow is that the very idea of a decent woman is now bankrupt.  And therein lies the fundamental problem with feminism.  Women have lost sight of the idea that a good man is a responsible man. 

With or without virginity and with or without equal rights, there is simply no amount of sexual equality that will change the fact that a good man is a responsible man and a good woman is a responsible woman.

A decent woman will not settle for an irresponsible man; likewise, a decent man will not settle for an irresponsible woman.  And the judgment of decency flows not from a relentless exercise of whatever rights a person might have, but necessarily from the proper exercise of moral judgment. 

Now, let me conclude by continuing my descent down the so-called sexist abyss of my thinking.  In reality sex is very asymmetrical.  We may use the word f-word with respect to both women and men.  But the delusion only goes but so far if we are talking about penal-vaginal sex.  Naturally, sex is not at limit to that arrangement.  Still, take that arrangement out of the picture and one has radically changed that the nature of sexual relations between most heterosexual couples.  Furthermore, while it is true that a woman can in fact rape a man, it is for good reason, as opposed to a mere flight of fantasy, that we primarily think of rape as something that men do to women without her consent.  However, desirous a woman might be of sex, the absence of consent on her part makes the act of penetration rape. 

By contrast, it is very difficult to suppose that a man surfeited with sexual desire has been raped should a woman avail herself of the moment.  At least a very complicated story is needed order to make it so.  This is because whatever it is that a woman does if she should avail herself of a man’s erection, it is very, very difficult to characterize her behavior as analogous to a man’s rape of a woman.  And that asymmetry is not going to bow to theory. 

What follows from this is something rather profound, namely that the way in which a woman conducts herself sexually makes a difference that has no analogue with respect to men, as is shown by the need for her consent in order for the sex act not to be rape.  This gives women a moral power that men lack. 

A decent woman neither ignores nor abuses that power—a power that men do not have. 

The hypocrisy of contemporary feminism, as opposed to the inexorable truth that women and men should have equal rights, lies in the fact that feminism refuses to acknowledge this power whilst never failing to avail itself of it.  It is simply not possible for any man to take women seriously without taking seriously the role of a woman’s consent with regard to sex.  An analogous claim does not hold for women with regard to men. 

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Dr. Laura Schlessinger often claims that women have a moral power that men lack.  I have attempted to give philosophical articulation to that claim—a claim that is manifestly compatible with equal rights for women and men.