It is a fact about life that appearances matter. And when we have considerable public standing, we should never overlook that fact; for in that case appearances matter all the more.. Having sex is generally a part of life. But even with that immutable truth, it is important to be ever so mindful of what we say to another about our own sexual life and the sexual life of another individual. Indeed, in countless many cases, the very wise thing to do is keep our mouth shut about both our own sexual behavior and the sexual behavior of others. The very, very important point here is that even if something is not morally wrong, it can nonetheless be that the case that we should not so behave. Here is a simple example: It is perfectly ok for a professor to lunch with her/his students at, say, King David’s Restaurant on Marshall Street. However, it far less appropriate for a professor to spend the evening in a bar with her/his students, precisely because in the evening the context of a bar is such that it is far too easy for the professor’s behavior to be misinterpreted or misunderstood. A very poignant reality is that a professor who is know for his prostitute behavior would understandably make female students feel very uncomfortable meeting with the professor in his office, especially in a one-on-one context.
Kenneth Kavajecz who has been dean of the famous Martin J. Whitman of Management at Syracuse University has exhibited a horrendous lack of insightfulness in being so utterly open about his sex life. I say that not because what Kavajecs did is morally horrific. Rather, there is the issue of the social uptake of this or that behavior. What we say or do can have a quite negative social uptake even though what we are talking about is not at all morally despicable. My favorite example in this regard is “the kiss on each cheek” (faire la bise as one says in French) that is quite common between woman in France and tremendously less common among men in France.
So while there is a very straightforward sense in which the women with whom Kenneth Kavajecz has sex is no body’s business, there is nonetheless the reality of the social uptake that is occasioned by his drawing attention to the fact that he has numerous instances of sexual behavior with different women. At this point in history, a man of tremendous professional stature who in a public manner routinely speaks of his sexual encounters with women displays a measure of horrific indifference to the varieties of negative social uptake that his behavior occasions. And the question that mightily presents itself is the following: How is it possible for a person as intelligent as Kavajecz to be so utterly careless by drawing attention to his frequent sexual behavior with women.
Sheer common sense should have been sufficient for Kenneth Kavajecz to grasp that a wealth of discretion is in order even though strictly speaking he is not doing anything morally wrong. A very different kind of example readily underscores the point just made.
Most guys masturbate. Just so, it is extremely rare for guys to talk to one another about their masturbating. So it is even if they are close friends. To be sure, there can be the occasional example. But that is just the point, namely that such instances are quite rare.
I suppose that I understand to some extent the idea of a guy boasting about his sexual endeavors. But unless an individual is psychologically deranged, surely the boasting cannot possibly be the very anchor of the satisfaction that the guy realizes as a result of having sex. Sheer commonsense should more than suffice a person to keep his or her mouth shut about the matter. And Kenneth Kavajecz should have mightily exercised precisely that measure of commonsense.
© 2016 Laurence Thomas